Comment Text:
Dear CFTC,
Thank you for giving retail investors this fleeting moment of performative democracy—we really appreciate the illusion of input. It's like being handed a fire extinguisher after the building has burned down, but hey, at least we can wave it around in the ashes.
Let’s talk perpetual swaps. Contracts with no expiration date—because apparently “forever” isn’t just for diamonds anymore, it’s also for synthetic short positions. What could possibly go wrong when you let institutions trap a stock in financial purgatory longer than a Catholic with guilt issues?
These instruments are to market stability what chainsaws are to juggling—flashy, dangerous, and guaranteed to end badly. They allow Citadel, UBS, and other modern-day financial Bond villains to endlessly suppress stocks they don’t own and never intend to. It’s like me renting your house, subletting it to a raccoon, and then suing you for structural damages.
Retail investors are up against high-frequency algorithms, dark pools, and synthetic instruments so opaque they make Enron look like a glass box. But perpetual swaps? That’s not a red flag. That’s a Vegas sign blinking “RIGGED” in neon while a hedge fund manager gives you the finger in Morse code.
Look, if the goal is to ensure the market looks as manipulated as a WWE storyline, you’re on the right track. But if you care even a little about price discovery, investor confidence, or not turning the entire U.S. equities market into a leveraged clown car—maybe it's time to ban these things?
In conclusion, please regulate perpetual swaps. Or at least give retail the same tools so we can short the market into the Earth’s mantle like it’s amateur hour at a hedge fund frat party.
Sincerely,
A concerned investor who still believes in free markets, but only because I haven't had my meds today
